Susan Burrowes, Author

Olga was 42 years old when my father died. She learned how to write a check, how to stretch the social security stipend she was left with and even how to drive, at least for a little while. She took a minimum wage job, and filled our pantry with dented cans to save money. In the refrigerator, potatoes in spicy tomato sauce, homemade gefilte fish made from carp and bluegill the neighbors brought her, and the slightly bad vegetables she made into letcho—a sauteed mixture of onion, pepper and tomatoes. Then one day, a white deli package. Something foreign in our home. Chip Chop Ham. 59 cents a pound. Pork. In my father’s house. I picked it up and turned it from side to side. The seal was broken. “Ma, what is this?” The smell of pork overcame me, the odor of dying traditions making me nauseous. “It’s chip chop ham” Olga replied, sipping cold coffee from her favorite cracked cup, looking at me with brows raised, as though I couldn’t read the label. “Why is there pork in our refrigerator?” I waved the loosely wrapped package in the air. “Well, it’s 59 cents a pound. And it’s delicious.” She reached for the package, as though to prove it to me, but I pulled it away, and spoke slowly and deliberately. “Ma, It’s ham!” “I know honey.” She put her cup down on the counter, and made eye contact. “But we’re Jewish, we don’t eat ham.” I had never eaten pork, and would continue to shun it until college, when my meal plan provided ham steaks, sausage or bacon at brunch. Hunger persuaded me to try it then, and I was punished when my body rejected it, violently. Olga however, had negotiated a better outcome. “It’s okay,” she reassured me calmly,” I talked to G-d about it. He said I went through enough in my life and I could eat anything I wanted.” I stared at her, silenced by the absolute certainty with which she spoke. “We made a deal. G-d and I,” Olga continued confidently. She wanted me to understand. She rinsed her cup and wiped her hands on a dish towel, a small smile playing around her mouth, as though she had gotten the best of her bargain with the almighty.

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